Today is going to be a difficult day for me. That’s because I have to give a talk at a meeting tonight. It’s what I hate to do. First of all, it’s a celebration of a big event, the group’s anniversary.
I can only guess why I was picked. The number of years I have been in this program. In five days after this meeting I will have 45 yrs. of sobriety. I can only guess that this might help some to stay in this program. I don’t really want this to be something of a “celebrant”. After all, my time in here is only based on sobriety at a day at a time.
There might have been a time in my life, when I was out there drinking alcohol, when I probably would want admiration in my life. But since sobriety has taken over I have come to step back and deflate my egotism. Plus, like I said, I only stay sober a day at a time. What I learned from my old sponsor and other old timers in here. I am so grateful for what they did for me, along with my gratitude to my Higher Power for the gift of sobriety I was given, plus so many other blessings.
I know other things, which tend to slow me down and help me enter into some kind of humility I need to practice. And that’s these Steps, particularly the Tenth, Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps. Hopefully I will bring those up in this meeting.
I was just reminded of something an old timer lady called out to me one night in a meeting, after I had spoken many years ago. She said, “Ned, if bull—- was electricity, you’d be a power plant!” It broke the group up in hysteric laughing. I did to. Probably what I deserved.
Anyway, I suppose I need to step back into some kind of small ego, like I do each morning, when I look in my mirror and tell myself that I’m a “Klutz who’s nuts!” Makes me laugh at myself and helps me to reduce my ego.