The word decision came to my mind today. The 3rd Step says that we made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God. And that leaves our free wills still within us. In other words, as I understand it, it’s up to me to get my will in line with God’s will. But all the decisions I have to make in my life are up to me. It’s my choice what I do or don’t do.
The reason I was thinking about my decisions is that I know how important they are to my staying sober. One wrong decision could very well determine whether I drink again or not. I’ve seen the results with others over the years, when the choices made turned out disastrous, as far as sobriety was concerned. I even remember one man’s choice, though he didn’t drink, sent him to prison for a number of years.
For me, this is where it often gets complicated. I can very easily become confused in making my choices. The reason is that, though I try to stay rational, I sometimes get overwhelmed by my feelings and emotions. Things like fear, anger, resentment, and such can often determine my choices. Even envy, pride, and selfishness can come into play.
I remember my sponsor telling me one time that, when it came to complicating things, I could screw up a one car funeral. I have to say that he wasn’t far off the mark. That’s where the 2nd Step comes back into the picture. Depending on my higher power and the power of the group. Talking and listening to others like myself.
I remember one sponsor, when I had decided to do something and told him, looked at me and said, “Are you nuts?” Thank God he did. When I thought about it after-wards, I could see that had I proceeded I would have put my sobriety in peril.
Anyway, a couple of incidents today reminded me of the fact that my decisions are still in my hands. As I thought about this, I had to look back at all those who have influenced my sobriety and helped me stay on track by listening to me and guiding me to making right choices. I am so grateful