Today we talked about the disease of alcoholism and how this program gave us a relief from the worst parts of this illness of ours. Even after the meeting a couple of us continued on this subject.
Physical, mental, definitely emotional, and spiritually ill, when I came here. Of course, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I only know that I was drinking against my will. There was no way I could possibly stop on my own. I had tried that many a time and failed every time. I always ended up drinking.
It was this program that finally ended a horrible way of life I was living. It was either that or death. I was already insane and in a state of despair. But then I was introduced to the concept of a higher power and that was what arrested this disease. It didn’t cure it. There is no cure. Even though I never think about drinking, the mental obsession is gone, I know that the possibility of returning to a drink is always there. I’m still powerless.
I also learned that alcohol was but a symptom of this disease. An awful symptom no doubt. But the real disease is deep within in me. It’s in my mind and my soul. It’s in every part of me. It’s in my emotions, which directed my thinking for so long. It’s in the spiritual bankruptcy, which left me with a “God hole”, when I walked through these doors. A bottomless pit, which nothing in this world could fill. I was empty within, until this program and the 12 Steps began to change me.
Imagine, as someone pointed out today, being able to walk into a room full of people from all walks of life, and finding comfort and consolation. A sense of joy at being able to talk about what is wrong with us and what the answer to that was. Carrying the message to the alcoholic, who still suffers. Being able to identify with everyone around me. Hearing their experiences and being given hope that I can not only get better, but it continues, as time goes on.
Anyway, I was thinking about this tonight and am filled with gratitude for all that I have received.