I was reminded today of a wonderful woman in this program. Always a great example of what this program is about, she passed away several years back. But one of the things she always said to newcomers was that she always hoped they were in deep pain. Sounds tough, but she was right.
Pretty much what the literature says to all of us. Especially the First Step in the 12&12. That particular chapter points out that only when we’ve reached a bottom, meaning pain, will we surrender to this disease and follow the prescribed program; the Twelve Steps.
I was told that pain is the touchstone to all spiritual growth. And so it was with me. And for that matter, still is. In the beginning it was the awful pain I was going through, which got me to surrender and seek the God of my understanding for help. That got me freed of the grip alcohol had on me and to this program. However it was only the beginning.
Not surprisingly, like a lot of sober friends I know, I was not ready to follow the spiritual path. And that’s when the pain I brought in with me got me to listen to my sponsor, who helped me open up to the Second Step. And that was the real beginning of the spiritual life for me. And, of course, so many others I have heard in telling their stories.
That same woman I mentioned above, would always remind us that we were never to forget our bottoms. And that to me is what I was told by my sponsor. It’s in the BB. We will not forget the past nor wish to close the door on it. That pain we went through is always a reminder to me of why it is that I never ever want to pick up another drink of alcohol again. More than that it can be my gift to the sick and suffering alcoholic, who asks for help. Hopefully it will open the door for them, as it did me, into a way of life, which I never dreamed of. In fact what I have today is beyond my wildest dream.
Looking back on what I have learned over a lifetime, I know that this touchstone, pain, has been what opened the door to the spiritual life to others in history, who were not alcoholics. It’s a universal truth, as far as I can see. And how blessed I was to be given that gift of pain.
In looking back at it, I find that I am grateful for what I had to go through. Without it I probably would have been dead long ago from my alcoholism. That’s why I say it’s beyond my wildest dream. Looking back, who would have ever thought I would be here today living a sober life? Not me. No one I ever knew back then. To myself and them I was hopeless. An out of control drunk, unable to stop drinking.
Anyway all of this was part of what we alcoholics in the meeting today were really talking about. I could hear the gratitude of so many today, as they related their stories. I can only join in that gratitude with them. I was looking at the spiritual life and thinking about the gratitude I owe to my Higher Power for all the grace and gifts I have been given, I can only say thanks and try to repay some of what I owe by passing this gift along to others like myself.