Each day is a day for me to take the time to stop and think about why I am here. I am here by the grace of my Higher Power and the welcome I have received by the men and women in this program. I’m here because I was able to surrender to my being powerless over alcohol. No doubt in my mind. I never want to ever drink alcohol again.
In order to do that I had to also surrender to this program in here. The gift I was given by those who went before me. I had no trouble identifying with the description of an alcoholic in the Doctor’s Opinion. In it I found out what was wrong with me. The minute I understood what it was saying I knew what was wrong with me for the first time. The description “chronic alcoholic” fit me perfectly. In fact I was relieved to finally know what was wrong with me.
But the necessary second surrender I had to go through was to help me accept a spiritual way of life. That was something I resisted, until I finally read We Agnostics and discovered I would either begin to live a spiritual way of life or die an alcoholic death. I had no problem understanding that. Like the chapter said, I lacked power. And through the book, my sponsor, and those old timers I discovered the only source of power in this way of life would come from a Power greater than myself. The God of my understanding. This is what I so desperately needed, if I was going to stay sober.
Any how I was thinking tonight that all of what I have been listening to in and out of meetings is my need to stop and take the time to once again remind myself of why I am here. I know how important that is because over time I have been aware of those who have forgotten and gone back out and picked up a drink again. And what happened to so many of them. They often died an alcoholic death, just like that chapter above said.
One of the reasons I need to continue to remind myself each and everyday is that this is a lifetime disease. There is no cure. I will definitely have it the rest of my life. So I need to pay attention. My alcoholism is deep down within me. I have no problem remembering what it was like out there and what it is like in here. A great difference to say the least. I never want to go back. I want to stay here and continue to learn what I need to do each and every day. To be grateful for all that has been given to me by my Higher Power and the help I have received from all those in this fellowship.
Anyway just reminding myself of why I am here. Like my old sponsor once told me: I am not responsible for getting sober and finding this program. However he told me, I am responsible for staying sober and putting this spiritual program into action. And in all this time I have only had to do this one day at a time. Amazing. It makes me so happy. I need to say thanks.