Got a call tonight, which brought me back early on in my program in here. When I was finding myself busy getting sober, I was told what was one of my biggest problems. My emotions and the hold they had over me. My thoughts and my actions.
That’s when I first heard what those early alcoholics always talked about. That was the statement, “I” over “E”. Or intellect over emotions. And I always remember my old sponsor telling me that I was to think with my head and not my heart.
I know I was certainly given two early examples of the danger of our emotions. My first sponsor had a long time, deep resentment. He had about ten years at the time. He went back out, drank, and he died. About the same time another man I knew in here did the same thing. He also had ten years sobriety and a deep resentment. He drank and he died. That was a wake up call for me.
My caller tonight said that they were dealing with the “I” over “E”. Trying to put the intellect over their emotions. I knew from my own experiences what they were going through. Way back, when I was first told about this, I had to learn how to put the spiritual way of life into my life. To be able to step back, when I would get hit with one of these negative emotions, and to try to hand these to my Higher Power.
I had to learn, as time went on, that my primary purpose was to stay sober a day at a time. But I also had to learn how to pray and think on what I needed to do with my heart and my mind. How to put my mind over my heart. I had already seen what the BB had said about this, plus I had heard this from those old timers.
Over time in here I have had the negative emotions curbed. Not as bad as they once were. But I know I have to be aware that these can return, no matter how much I have done. After all, like the BB tells us, we are not saints. We’re human alcoholics and going to be subject to tripping over ourselves in here. I know this will go on until the end.
I’m not cured of my alcoholism, so I have to be aware each and everyday what is wrong with me. I know I need to do whatever it takes. I had to learn to start my day over, when I get pulled down into a negative attitude, fired up by my negative emotions. I know that I need to step aside and put myself into a positive attitude. To cheer myself up and step out with a happy thought. I learned that from an old timer in here and never want to forget that.
I know that each day I wake up I need to pray and turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power. To start to pay attention to why I am here, to stay sober a day at a time. I know that I have to bring good cheer into my early morning hours. To give thanks to my Higher Power, this program, and all those who have helped me to stay sober. I am grateful for all I have been given.