Today was one of those days, when I had to stop and think about what it is that turned my life around. And, of course, it was one of those things, which from time to time has caused so much trouble. The spiritual way of life.
I went back and reread some of the BB. I know it was in there that a lot of truth about what affected our alcoholism and stopped us from drinking. I know for certain it was that moment, when I surrendered and offered myself up to this program, which stopped my drinking. Like I always say, I never ever want to forget that.
However I do know that there are those, who want to stress their kind of non spiritual way of life. They tell us that they do not believe in a God. Yet I often have to smile, in spite of myself, when they often tell how they “pray” and even “meditate”. Interesting.
Having said this, I have to admit that I often feel that I’m not all that spiritual. Not that I don’t do what this program asks of me. I do. It’s just that I don’t feel spiritual. I’m all right as long as I don’t spend time criticizing me. Just do what has been asked of me. Like the Ninth Step always states: the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. Hopefully I do.
Of course I know that making sure that I never forget what it is I’m supposed to be doing. I’m here not to drink alcohol. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. Hopefully I’m doing that. I know that as long as I stay in this program, come to meetings and listen to those who are sober and know how this program works for them, I will be helped to stay sober. Even the “new” person, who sometimes wants to share and is off center, helps me, inasmuch it tells me what I’m not supposed to be doing or thinking.
I went back today and reread about the man, who went to Dr. Carl Jung in chapter three, and how he followed what the doctor told him. He went and had a spiritual experience. It changed his life. Like the doctor told him, it was the only thing, which would work for him. I knew the minute I first read that, it was exactly what worked for me. Told me how much an alcoholic I was as was that man.
I hadn’t been told that. In fact I had no idea that there was a program like AA. All I knew is that I had been given hope, which stopped me from killing myself. That hope made me pray and give up everything in order to stop drinking. And it happened. Always amazes me, when I go back and think about it. And that hope is what led me into this program.
It was in here that I found what it was I needed to do. And that was, in the beginning, to study and read about the Second Step, which opened the door to this program for me. I am so grateful. Never want to forget that and stay sober a day at a time.