One of the things a couple of others talked about today was our character defects. For me these are important. Why? Because, despite this program, these Steps, they’re still around after all these years. Pretty much, what the BB tells me, as well as my old sponsor and those old timers.
I was told in the BB and by old members of this program, that, no matter how long I stayed sober, my character defects would pop up again and again. And that has proved to be true. What I had to learn was that, when these would trip me up, I needed to stop, pick myself up, ask my Higher Power for help, and keep on keeping on.
My old sponsor put it another way. He told me I would stumble, and tumble, and bumble, and I needed to get back on my feet, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. I needed to change my attitude from the negative to the positive. And I needed to practice Steps 10, 11, and 12. Especially the spiritual axiom in Step 10.
As we talked about this today, one thing came up, which used to control my life. It was one of the most dangerous faults of mine. And that was my keeping things to myself. I rarely ever asked for help. I wanted to control everything. I came in here and learned I had to change. I needed to get open and talk to others, who knew what it was I needed to do. For instance my sponsor. That opened the door for me and helped me to learn to stay sober.
One of the most dangerous character defects I had was resentments. It was one of those defects which hit me right in the face and changed my life. I had two men I learned to know, when I came in. Both had at least 10 years sober. And both of them suffered from resentments and drank again. And both of them died. I never forgot that and it taught me what the BB warned us about. I had to change and deal with these without wasting anytime. I knew I could never afford to be pulled down into darkness by these defects. Makes me grateful that I got the help I needed.
Anyway one of the things we also talked about was gratitude. When I think about the help I got, which has kept me sober, I have grown in thanksgiving. Here I am, staying sober a day at a time, and I feel so fortunate to have been helped to continue on. Part of that is the effect, which came to me, by my sponsor, his widow, and other old timers, who kept reminding me that this was my role in life. I know I need to thank my Higher Power, all those old timers, who helped me, plus all those around me, who have helped me to grow along spiritual lines and stay sober.