How difficult and hard the truth is to someone like me. We were talking about our defects today. Someone was having a tough time with these, because they seemed to be coming back into their conscious mind again. I don’t think they had a lot of time in here.
One of the things in my life, which my sponsor and some of those old timers made me aware of was my unconscious unwillingness to be truthful about everything. That’s in Step Six in the 12&12. And that’s me, as I was made aware of. I was told that my defects would pop up again and again until the day I died. I would find myself stumbling, bumbling, and tumbling into a defect I thought I had taken care of. I was told that I needed to pick myself up, dust myself off, and change my day. To return to prayer and ask for the help I needed. And then to turn the negative over into the positive.
All I could think of was my being a human being and not a saint, as I was told by old timers and the BB. I might think I’m being totally honest, only to find out that it’s not true. I need to try to practice to be better and less wrapped up in my over sized ego. All I can do is the best I can do.
That’s why I need to remember why I am here. I’m here to stay sober one day at a time. If I can continue to do that, practicing the Second Step, the First, of course, and then moving back into the rest of them. I also need to be grateful and remember that I’m human. Just need to keep on trying and not beating myself up. Stepping into a positive attitude and not a negative attitude.
Anyway I listened and heard my own story in most of the people, with long sobriety, in the room. I know I need to try to live a spiritual way of life, and hope that this is what I am doing to the best of my ability. Like them, my old sponsor, and the other old timers, I have to be grateful for all I have been given. Thankful to my Higher Power, this program, and the people in it, who have helped me to stay sober.