When I finally was able to let go began with my introduction to the Second Step. The spiritual way of life, and the way I had to learn to begin to have a relationship with my Higher Power.
All this began, when I had been able to stop drinking by my begging my Higher Power to free me of the grip alcohol had over me. I know that’s when I promised to do his will for me. The next morning I awoke and found myself free of alcohol, and five days later I came into this program.
That entrance got me to try to avoid members in here because I was suffering from paranoia. This is part of what I was suffering from as a result of thinking I knew what to think. And that led me to getting tied up with my first sponsor, whom I really knew nothing about, except I felt safe from everything else in here. My mind was being driven by the control negative emotions had over it, which was exactly what I developed in the years of my drinking alcohol.
What happened was that I had almost lost connection with my Higher Power, because this sponsor was something I didn’t know. He was only a two Step member. The First and the Twelfth. And when he had ten years in, he drank alcohol again, because of a resentment, and died. That was a wake up call for me.
And then I finally became more open and got a new sponsor, who was a really good old timer, and who helped me to change almost everything I needed to change. It all began with the Second Step, which was a renewal of relations with my Higher Power. And I was suddenly aware that I was personally not in charge of my being sober. The God of my understanding was.
And over time in here I learned that I had been gifted with my sobriety and that included this program in my life. I was here I found out, in order not just to not drink, but to live this the way of life I had been given, which opened the door to my trying to do His will for me.
Once again all this reminded me of what is contained in the Twelfth Step and Tradition, and that’s what I was thinking about today. Humility. That prayer, which states, “Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may be able to do your will for me.” To learn to step back and let go of my ego. To quietly be ready to help others, who need help. Not always easy, but I know I have to try one day at a time.
I am grateful.