I’ve had a lot of traffic with myself and others in what’s been going on in our heads. Thinking thoughts in the dark of our minds and not getting any of it out. Just hanging on to what we’re thinking and rehashing a whole lot of old stuff. Building up anger and suspicions without any foundation in reality. They used to call this “stinkin’ thinkin’ “.
Amazing how much trash we can pile up in a week or two. It’s stuff like this which becomes so real to us which can turn us off to meetings, because we don’t want to hear a solution. It’s like mildew or mold, which keeps on multiplying in the dark. Thank God there’s a solution to all of this kind of thinking.
After the meeting today, when we had discussed this kind ot thinking, a friend of mine came up to me and said the keyword as the beginning of this solution…awareness. He said how important it was to be aware that we can sink into this muck and mire at anytime. The kind of thing Bill talked about, when he said the price of sobriety is eternal vigilance. Am I aware? If I am I can stop it before it takes hold.
The other thing is to have someone I can talk with openly. I know from experience that if I put this stuff out on the table between us that it will die a natural death in the sunlight. In darkness it can only grow and fester. My sponsor or a friend I can trust. It doesn’t matter if I get good feedback or not. Just the fact that it’s outside of me helps me to let go and see the unreality of this kind of thinking.
Practicing the program enables me to adapt to a new way of thinking. My attitude is changed. My mind becomes more open to other ways of thinking and approaching the things I am confronted with on a daily basis. But much more than this. It enables me to avoid the pitfalls I face and helps me avoid the one thing I don’t want to do. It gets me into sober thinking and acting so that I won’t think of a drink as a solution to what I’m thinking.
Just thinking about the necessity of keeping a clear head and how to go about keeping a healthy and happy frame of mind. Oh, did I mention prayer? Hard to pray when I’m in a wretched state of mind.
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