Last night, at a BB meeting, we read the story “The Man Who Mastered Fear”. I was glad that we were reading it, because it is one of my favorite stories.
The meeting of about 17 people went on into overtime, because people agreed to let it go since so many identified with this man’s dilemma and its solution. What a great meeting.
A couple of things came to me, as a result of that meeting. One was, of course, the part about his surrender to God about his problem, and the subsequent result. The other was the surrender of ourselves in the meeting to disclose those things we ordinarily don’t want to disclose. A catharsis.
This morning, I came down with full intentions of writing, but ended up listening to Rachmoninov (?ff) and just being quiet. Did the same at the meeting today. Kept quiet and was reminded that AA is not a hotbed! of mental health. But then thought how important it was not to put myself above the crowd and to identify and remember who and what I am.
This also brought me to think about a prayer I once heard: “Oh, God, if you don’t stop me I am going to continue to do what I do.” What a great prayer. Almost like the prayer of the man who mastered fear. Surrender and acceptance of his condition. And the great results that followed. Humility.
Almost like the statement of St. Paul. He said, That which I would not do, I do; and that which I would do, I do not. The way of imperfection. I love that. How imperfect we all are. It’s perfect for us. To be reminded over and over that we are a long way off from where we think we are. Or would like to think we are. It reminds me of the statement in the NT and the literature that of myself I am no! thing, my Father doeth the works. How many times I have repeated that line, over and over again, and not even had a clue as to what I was saying.
It’s all about the sixth and seventh steps. The tenth step, which reminds me that whenever I’m disturbed, there is something wrong with me. I’m the cause of my own problems. But then, there is a solution. The solution that we can have a spiritual experience or awakening to cure and heal what is wrong…if only I will take the necessary steps to achieve it. The key of willingness. Or, as the woman in Freedom from Bondage wrote, that whenever she was not willing, she would ask for the willingness to be willing and that it always came.
Just some thoughts on a day up here, which is almost like Spring.
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