I was reading a story from the first edition of the BB last night before I went to sleep. It was a wonderful story about one of the early women in the program. What was so great about it was that she started off with the thought that she wanted to pass along all that she had been given. Her gratitude for being bailed out of her alcoholism was clear and profound. It’s that kind of gratitude that I need to keep being reminded of.
Her resistance to the program and getting sober was nothing new to any of us. She kept going back out again and again. Then she started to hear about a higher power and struggled with the idea of prayer. Been there. After her last drunk, she came back, suffering a lot from her latest binge. She stated that self pity and resentment had been behind it. Her major complaint about her drinking was that she clearly was she was plagued by selfishness, self pity, and resentments.
Then she said that God cleared her channels and understanding finally began to come. I like that thought. God cleared her channels. That seems to be what gets us all over the hump and into this way of life. God clearing the channels. She said that she found that she had not been fully giving herself to God. “I was still trying to do my own fixing.” Sounds so familiar.
What really struck me was the final paragraph in this story. “I know that my victory is none of my human doing.” She goes on to say she has to keep herself worthy of Divine help. Freedom and happiness were the rewards and the opportunity to pass it on. She ends by saying, that she says it in all reverence and ends with “Amen”.
And there’s the word “reverence”. That’s what caught my up. How much reverence do I have for this program and all it did for me. I should always revere this program. But I usually get caught up in a lot of other stuff and forget that. Along with everything else, I need to practice that; reverence.