I was reading the sixth step and was reminded of what I must be doing on a daily basis. Becoming willing to change.
From my own experience and talking to others through the years, the question of being entirely ready has been a difficult one. But entirely willing is another matter. Like Bill said, we’re not going to be rendered white as snow. But we can make progress.
I think the problem with our defects is obvious. They can and have led others back to a drink and I know that I’m not immune to this. None of us are. I’ve met people, and I know others have, who, with no thought of a drink in mind, have found themselves drinking before they knew they were drinking. They reported that they were sitting in a bar and were on their third or fourth drink before they realized what they were doing. Yet they said there was nothing going on that would have prompted them to a drink. Amazing.
Without trying to be judgemental, I would have to say I would guess it had to do with what’s essentially wrong with us.
The second part of the first step. The unmanageability. Our defects. The lack of awareness of what forgetting their power and influence in our lives mean to us. After all, the BB tells us that alcohol is a subtle foe. It can lull us to sleep and we can find ourselves sleep walking.
Bill tells us that the price of sobriety is eternal vigilance. Vigilant about a drink? Maybe, but it’s the defects which give us so much trouble. To ignore them, even though the worst aspects of them are not apparent, can be, as he said in the 12&12, fatal. The “ism” of our disease is always there and always will be. I can assume that these defects are pretty much under control and they are just the pesky little things of everyday living. I can brush them away and never notice the hold they have over me.
I never came here to become a spiritual person. I came here to stop drinking. But the program tells me that the formula which will relieve me of the curse of alcohol is one of growing along spiritual lines. Doing the will of God on a daily basis or striving to do it. Part of that is to change. The sixth step is the culmination of that third step. And the key Bill said was willingness. The introduction of the God of our understanding entering into our lives.
We have but a daily reprieve. The sixth step and rereading it reminded me of that. All I have to do is ask for the willingness to be willing. A simple prayer of “help” opens the door.
I once had the experience of not being seemingly bothered about a thing, when the overwhelming compulsion to drink overcame me. I remember being helpless not to drink, when I told someone what was going on. They recommended that I step outside and pray and I did. It saved me from having to pick up again. I never want to forget that. But it’s up to me to ask for the help on a daily basis and remember how close I came, just like those other folks who experienced the same thing. Talking to others and listening to what they say to us is so important.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today.
Bored stiff? Loosen up…