At the meeting today, we were asked by a member to respond to her need. Mostly consolation, but also help to open her mind to the possibilities of answers to her dilemma.
Her problem is her son. He’s and alcoholic and drug addict, who has almost died on occassions from his going in and out. He lives across the hall from her apartment and though she’s trying to practice what she has learned in the rooms and from Alanon, she still worries about him. After all, he’s her son. She’s leaving him alone, but at night she finds herself listening for his comings and goings. I was reminded of what it must have been like for my ex, when I was out there drinking and didn’t come home all night.
This did not turn into a circus or an Alanon meeting. It pretty much stayed on track in how to maintain her sobriety in spite of what was going on. How to let go of the controls and stay sober despite the consequences. There was some pretty straight talk going on in the meeting.
Yet there was a lot of identification from a host of the people there. Despite the tough love being talked about, there was one thing, which couldn’t be avoided. The heart of that woman and the hearts of the people in the room. Almost everyone who spoke had someone who matched up to what she was going through. It’s hard not to identify with the heartbreak she was experiencing. This isn’t about sympathy but empathy.
And this is the danger, as my sponsor pointed out to me. He asked me what would take me back to a drink. It was stuff just like this. Like the 12&12 asks us in the 10th step. Can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under any and all conditions? A tough proposition for all of us. Yet it is said that we have to get tough and develop a thick skin in order to survive this illness we suffer from. We have to walk the talk or die.
My sponsor would always remind me that I was to think with my head and not my heart. That doesn’t mean to be cold to the world or our families. It’s just a reminder that I have to be prepared not to let my emotions take over and lead me back to a drink. We all experience these things. We experience love and anger and a host of other emotions, but there always has to be that awareness that these very God given qualities in our lives can overwhelm us if we are not prepared for them. We probably all have seen the consequences of those who have suffered from being so overwhelmed. I know I have. And it always served as a reminder to think with my head and not my heart.
Anyway, I came home from the meeting and was thinking about this.
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