I was reading an email someone just sent to me. In it there was the reminder of what Dr. Bob once said about God’s love. He’s there when we turn to Him.
That remark reminded me of so much. It reminded me of what Sandy B. said about our problems. That no matter what they appear to be, whether it’s problems in relationships or problems with our finances, the answer is always spiritual, because all our problems are really spiritual problems. Always.
But when I get caught up in the problems in my life, I often forget that and find myself tumbling head over heels, or as my mother used to say to me, ass over teakettle. I find myself driven to find the answers and end up in so much fear and anger and frustration. I can end up frequently owing so many amends as a result of this that I find I have a new set of problems.
I guess it comes down to a matter of faith. Do I really believe that God is there and He can direct me better than anything I can come up with on my own. Sometimes I think that God knows the “big plan”, but doesn’t know or isn’t interested in the details. I mean, I certainly believe that my Higher Power is responsible for my not drinking. That was the big one. I believe in my heart that the reason I am sober today is because has seen fit to bless me with what I couldn’t do on my own unaided strength alone. No way I could stop drinking on my own. I know. I tried it a lot. But then AA came into my life and everything changed overnight. I was able to stop drinking and it started with a prayer. I turned to God at that moment and my prayers were answered. I had no reservations at that moment.
But how about this other stuff? The living stuff? The things which come at us everyday? I seem to have no response but that quick knee jerk reaction. Do I even think of pausing and asking for help? Or do I follow the directions given us to first calm the disturbance?
In thinking about this today, I was interuppted by an AA friend, who felt rushed and in a hurry. A man who has a lot on his plate. He was caught in a traffic jam and was faced with being late for work. I told him the story of being early on in sobriety and being caught in a traffic jam in Wash. DC. I knew there was no way I could defeat the clock and every moment seemed like an hour. I was just about to push my way into an illegal lane, when another car forced its way in front of me and I had to slam the brakes on. I found myself cursing and swearing and fuming like you couldn’t believe. All of a sudden I looked down at this car’s bumper and there was a sticker on it that said “Easy Does It”. It was like the grace of God intervening on the moment. My whole attitude changed at that moment and I sat back and let go of the traffic problem. Suddenly everythhing was all right.
For some reason, at that moment, I knew that God knew about the details. At that moment I could turn to Him, because I knew he was there, in spite of me.
Anyway, just stuff I was thinking about today.
Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha!