I was sitting and listening to a roomfull of alcoholics, as they talked to two men, who had time in the program and went back out. Both men were in their fifties. Both were in pretty rough shape. One had drunk the day before and the other had just got out of detox.
Almost every person who spoke recommended a sponsor, but it was the type of sponsor that surprised me, that these people described they needed. Particularly, when you consider how often we hear AA soft pedalled today. All of them said that a tough sponsor was needed. They all said that they needed someone who would “kick them in the ass” to get their attention.
That’s what most of us got when we came in. At least that was my memory of my entrance into the program. The men I knew were no nonsense in your face kind of sponsors. The kind that told us to sit down, shut up, and listen. I can remember one old timer, shouting from the front of the room to me at the back and telling me to take the cotton out my ears and sticking it in my mouth. He told me I had nothing to offer. That I had no idea how to get sober and stay sober and that I needed to learn how to listen. That was truly humiliating to a prideful, egotistical, know it all, like myself. But it worked. It got my attention and opened up my ears.
Today I was thinking about those men, who came in early on. When they came into sobriety, the Nation was undergoing one of the most catastrophic economic turndowns in history. Everyone was broke and out of work. Just imagine how hard it was on these men. Yet they got sober in spite of this. To most of the country it seemed hopeless, yet these men were able to get hope and to change their whole lives. It must have been difficult. And here they were, years later, still sober and willing to help people like myself, who were only children of those times. And most of them had undergone the fighting in World War II on top of that.
I was thinking of the whining I went through at that time. I was totally unaware of their circumstances. And yet, when I reached my bottom and came in, I found them to treating me as an equal and offering me the same program they went through. All they wanted for me was that I have the same opportunity to get sober that they got when they came in. But they were tough.
Again, I was thinking about what has kept me sober through the years. It was the toughness that was displayed to me by men like these men. Those of us who are still sober know that it takes a certain amount of toughness in us all to remain on this path. Soft pedalling this program will only make softies out of those seeking help. I need to remember the example of those before me and how much it helped me to find and get this program. They say a grateful heart is a sober one. I’m grateful.
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