Every once in a while I have to step back and survey the wreckage of the past few days or weeks. By that I mean I begin to become aware of a sense of strain. Then I begin to recognize that I’m once again beginning to have a metaphysical hernia. Totally unaware that I am trying to lift the world on my shoulders and taking over the concerns of everyone else. Trying to achieve perfection which is totally out of reach. And I don’t even know that I’ve strayed down this path.
If I can, I try to relax and let go. That’s because I’ve forgot to mind my own business. What’s mine and what’s yours has become blurred. What’s theirs is a little fuzzy at this point. Someone is acting up or not acting right and I’m trying to do it for them. Or at least that’s what I think. I’m beginning to listen at meetings for other people. I’m sitting there listening and thinking “I hope they heard that!”. Or I’m saying, “I wish they were here so they could hear that.”. Or I’ve been listening to the news again and have become so involved with what’s being said that my mind begins to solve the world’s problems or at least wish I could. I begin to feel guilty for others.
I even remember walking into the VA hospital in Wash. DC to see an old timer, who didn’t have long to live. When he saw me enter his room, he called out to me. He asked me why I had this long face. Then he said, something I needed to always remember. He said to wipe that look off my face. “I’m the one that’s dying.” He laughed at that and so did I.
I guess I was trying to do it for him. What a loveable old guy Wyatt Brown was. He set me straight. He always could.
If I’m not careful, all this stuff could mesmerize me into believing that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve forgotten what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m off the path I’m supposed to be on. You know, the one that the BB tells us we’re supposed to follow…Rarely have we seen a person fail, who has thoroughly followed…
I’m no longer living in this day. The only day any one of us has. I’m beginning to get exhausted. Maybe a drink could relieve me and fix this. Or maybe it will be a more subtle thought process and I won’t even see it. After all, we’re told that alcohol is a subtle foe.
Fortunately for me, I have others who can pull me back from the brink. I find myself often talking to others and having my inventory taken for me. I tell them of my concerns and am told they’re not my concerns. How did I ever get there?
Obvious. I’m not paying attention.
Anyway, I was thinking about all this stuff this morning. Maybe it’s a sign to get back on track.
TV dinner still cooling?