What’s morbid? Dark, unhealthy thinking. Bill brings this kind of thinking to the front in the tenth step in the 12&12, At this point he’s talking about emotional binges and the resulting emotional hangovers which are a consequence of these. Bill tells us we needn’t wander morbidly around in the past. But we do. At least I have.
With me, I find that there are times when I get swept up in a feeling, which takes my mind back to a former time. Or, in trying to understand a feeling I have, I find myself back in the past and am suddenlty trapped in examining some event which I should leave alone. Me leave something like that alone? Not on your life. I’m going to find myself punishing myself for something that’s been long past and probably already spoken about in an inventory. But like my mother used to say to me, I never could leave well enough alone. And when I’ve finished trashing myself, I find that the result is one awful hangover.
Sometimes that happens when I decide to take my tenth step at night before falling asleep. Most of the time it goes well. But every once in a while I’ll be doing that and find my mind drifting back to something in the past, which is guarnateed tol bring up guilt or remorse or an old resentment and the circus begins.
I like that word morbid. That’s what it is. A red flag. Or it should be. It can lead to all kinds of unhealthy thinking. Fortunately Bill knew about this kind of thinking which can lead to self pity and depressive thoughts. His words bring me back into the now; today.
I was sitting next to someone at the meeting today and was reminded of this in what this person said to me. They were talking to me about a bout of complacency, which led hem to stop going to meetings for a few years and how that led to so much of this kind of thinking, which fortunately drove them back to the meetings before they picked up a drink. I couldn’t help but stop and think about this.
Anyway, I have been warned. I came home and opened up the 12&12 and read this passage. Now that’s healthy. I need to be reminded of what can happen when I fail to remember.