How easy it is to find fault in others. That’s one of my biggest problems. I was thinking about that today. I wondered whatever happened to the tenets I have been taught in this program. One of them is about tolerance and understanding. Not intolerance and misunderstanding. A big job for someone like me.
If I’m going to be able to try and practice these principles in all of my affairs, I’m going to have to undergo a change of attitude. And I may have to change my seat at meetings, where this is one of the biggest temptations. I know one thing that happens when I become too judgemental. I become sick of myself and feel lousy.
Finding fault is for me not sober thinking. I know now that it can lead to all kinds of consequences. One of them is resentments. I hope I’m not that stupid that I don’t realize where this stuff can lead me. I’ve certainly talked to an awful lot of people, who have ended their relationship with AA because of this very thing. And I have seen the results in some, who have ended up drinking again. I desperately don’t want that to happen to me.
When Bill W. talked about our receiving “benefits” from our character defects, I know full well he knew what he was talking about. He said that’s why we hold on to some of these because we get some pleasure out of them. What pleasure comes from finding fault? A brief, very brief, feeling of superiority. Else why would I find myself doing this?
I also realize that this is nothing new with me. I learned it from listening to others when I was young. It carried through my drinking career. And here it is popping up again. No surprise.
The question is, what am I willing to do about it? The answer is that I told my sponsor at the very beginning that I would go to any lengths to get sober. I guess I’m going to have to continue to practice that promise. Steps six and seven and ten and eleven. Also twelve.
And taking action when it’s appropriate.
Just thinking. But not just thinking really. Now doing.
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