I was rummaging around in my mind this morning, when I woke up, and the same thought kept popping up. You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic.
Back when I first read those words, I knew instantly that they applied to me. Probably everyone, who ever came to this program. But I knew instantly what my problem was, when I saw this statement, which Dr. Jung addressed to the man he had attempted to treat for alcoholism. Of course his treatment had failed, as had all treatments up to that point.
Today I was thinking, what kind of mind is that? It’s the kind of mind that will always pick up a drink. It’s that kind of mind, which wants all kinds of help, but not at the expense of not drinking. It wants sanity, it wants companionship, it wants to be alone, it wants faith in self without a higher power, it wants hope, at the same time it loves despair, it wants, it wants, it wants a drink.
Again, I was thinking that kind of mind is no longer within me. The kind of mind I have today is a sober mind. It no longer wants a drink. I have a higher power and it’s not me. I no longer despair and I have hope and a faith. I not only want sobriety, I am willing to go to any lengths to maintain it.
All well and good, as far as it goes. But, I know it’s only for right now. I have no guarantee on the future. I know it’s possible that this mind of a chronic alcoholic can return. I have to maintain this way of life by the life I live within me. It takes constant awareness on my part.
Looking back at the way it was and the way it is today, I know it’s worth the effort I have to make to keep this way of life. And the beginning of this is gratitude for what I have. I wouldn’t have it any other way.