In the literature, Bill tells us that nothing much can grow in the dark. Except, of course, mushrooms…and mildew, and mold.
There seems to be a mind set in most of us, according to my experience and what others have told me over and over, to want to isolate and sink down into the dark of our own minds and let negative thoughts take over and grow in abundance. Dark angry thoughts. Resentful thoughts. Thoughts full of self pity. Guilt and remorse.
This seems to be true even though we might not live alone. We can always get enough separation from others with an argument and sharp words. Then we can close a door on everything, just like we did when we were drinking. We seem to relish those moments. Truth be told, we’re right back at those moments, when we can be alone in a crowd.
I was thinking today of how close I still am to those old habits of thinking and acting, which accompanied my drinking. Perhaps that’s because my alcoholism is still there within me. These fits have been further and further apart, but the tendency is still there, fueled, I believe, by that all too subtle foe of ours, alcohol. My mind can be a trap.
The relief and answer to all of this is just like it is in the world of nature. To get out into the sunlight, which kills all these dark growths and allows us to flourish in a more healthy way.
I want to stay sober. Sober is good. To stay sober, I have to do all those things I was taught right from the beginning. They still work. One is to make sure I stay aware and walk in the sunshine of the spirit. Mushrooms are good on a steak, but terrible in my mind.
By the way, I had to laugh. I started this before I went to a meeting and had to stop. I am finishing it now. What’s so funny is that this was the subject of today’s meeting.