Talking to a couple of people today, the idea of change kept coming up. But, what kind of change? That question, too, came up. Finally we decided what we were talking about was an inner transformation. A deep and profound change.
If you had asked me years ago about this kind of talk, I would have laughed. But as I have grown in this program, I recognize the value of, not only the talk, but the necessity of such a transformation. It’s pretty much what the spiritual life we’re supposed to lead is all about. It’s about our sobriety and leading a sober life. I know that I don’t have to get a metaphysical hernia doing this. I simply have to learn to apply the principles of this program to my daily life and it will come about in spite of me. It’s basically about the steps.
As I write this, I realize how much I have come to value this way of life. It is my very life. And to think, when I came here, the idea of living this way was the thing I resisted the most. I thought that, if I bought into this kind of living, that the “fun” in my life would be gone. That there would be no enjoyment in anything any more. But I was to find that there’s a big difference between my idea of “fun” and the enjoyment I have found in living this way.
It all began with the one thing I needed the most; sobriety. I needed to get sober and my sponsor and all those old timers showed me how to get it. I can never forget that and I am so grateful that they were there to foster me into living a sober life.
Have I changed? Just looking back at how I was, when I came in and what I’m like today and I’d have to yes. But it has to continue, if I want to remain sober.
I was thinking about this this evening.