I have a friend in this program, who is very important to his community. Part of what he does is involved in setting up programs to assist others in trouble. As he talked to me today, I listened and heard some things, which raised a red flag in my mind. He was becoming emotionally involved with those he was committed to help.
I could see where he was going with what he was trying to do. It made me think about the program. Those words “Shoemaker stick to your last”, jumped into my head from the 5th Tradition. In that Tradition it tells us we know one thing well and only one thing: it’s about alcohol.
It was a warning to me. I remembered my sponsor and his cautions to me, when I would get so wrapped up in trying to help others. He told me that I could extend my hand to another alcoholic, but this went with a caveat. That was MYOB. He told me that, if I wanted help, someone could help me up, but that, if I didn’t, I could pull the other person down. In other words, I was powerless to carry the alcoholic. I can tell someone that they’re in trouble, but that was as far as it goes. I can tell them about my experience and that of others, but, if they didn’t want to listen, that was it.
This was especially true, if I was stepping out into something I didn’t know about. He would repeat the 5th Tradition to me. I knew one thing well and that was alcohol. I knew how to get sober and what it took to get sober and that was the limit of my knowledge. He told me that when I got caught up in my feelings, in particular sympathy, that I was to let go and use my head and not my heart. I can say today that it’s a good thing he did for me. From my experience I have seen a lot of sympathy being handed out to others and both people getting into a hell of lot of trouble. I’ve been there myself.
Everyone has their opinion on what to do in such and such a situation. Advice in cases of relationships, financial problems, sex, religion, gambling, drugs, and on and on, is easy to come by. I have no business in putting my two cents in. I need to keep myself at arms length at least, when someone lays these problems in my lap. I know only one thing, the solution to our problems with alcohol. The emotion of sympathy has no place in these things. I can empathize from my own experiences, but anything else is to put my sobriety at risk. I can find myself getting pulled down into trying to solve someones situation.
I’m no expert in dealing with someone elses depression or medical problems. That’s why they have doctor’s. When it comes to handling anothers mental or emotional illness, no matter how painful it is to them, I am powerless in relieving their misery. There are professionals who do that. I can only relate my own experience with these things and it stops there.
This may sound cold, but I know from experience what works and what doesn’t. There are spiritual solutions to many of the problems I have faced in the time I have been sober. I just have to remember that reliance on a Higher Power solved my problem with alcohol and that if the God of my understanding can do that for me, He can do anything. And He has. Not always to my satisfaction or the results I wanted, but nevertheless I’m still sober and grateful for all that has been given to me. But none of this has been without the help of others, who are qualified to assist me in things other than alcohol. And I have gratitude to them, also.
What did I say to my friend? The same thing my sponsor told me. It’s kept me sober and I know it can do the same for him. Remember we know one thing well…