Talking to a friend of mine today reminded me of my early days in the program. It was a walk down memory lane and took me back to those early struggles.
He is going through what we all went through. I know it was a roller coaster ride for me. The ups and downs. Some of them pretty severe. He’s having some of the symptoms of physical withdrawal. Boy, do I remember those. The periodic shakes. Also, I recall having what is called poly neuritis. That’s where you have a sudden spasm, like you arm jerks involuntarily. Shoulders, arms, legs, etc. A doctor told me that’s because our overuse of alcohol burned out our nerve endings and as they begin to repair themselves, after we stop, the effect is that we have these vagrant reactions. But they do pass as we get better.
It’s just a reminder that this is a physical disease, as well as mental, emotional, and spiritual. It takes time to heal from all the damage we’ve done to ourselves. But it also makes me think, why would I ever want to go back out there again? If it was that bad coming in, what would it be like if I picked up another drink? I know what Bill means, when he says for us to drink again is to die.
That’s one of the bonuses of talking to other alcoholics like myself. I get to see what I was like. It once again highlights what I need to remember and takes me back to the truth I need to hear. I am powerless over alcohol still. I always will be, as long as I live. That hasn’t changed and never will. But, as long as I’m working the steps and following the guidelines set up for me, I can stay sober.
We talked about gratitude again today. It is hard to tell others just how wonderful this program has been to me. How the God of my understanding and the people have helped me through all kinds of things and helped me stay sober, in spite of myself. And everyday I get up and start anew, I have the same chance I had, when I first came in.
Anyway, I was thinking of how wonderful that conversation we had was.