I don’t know if any of us really identify with Narcissus. According to Greek mythology, he was a really weird guy. His story has been told that he was a really attractive young man. His girlfriend, Echo, was madly in love with him, but Narcissus had only one love: himself. So Echo pined away for him and faded into nothing and the only thing left of her was her voice, which mythology tells us can still be heard, when we call out into space and hear an “echo” coming back to us.
Meanwhile, Narcissus, wandering all over the place, just loving the hell out of himself, comes across a deep pool and goes over and sees his reflection. He is so overwhelmed by his looks that he leans down to kiss his image on the surface and falls in and drowns. Certainly something we can only laugh at and to which none of us would relate. Or should we?
What’s all of this got to do with our alcoholism? Well, Bill W. and others thought it had a lot to do with us. In his letter in The Language of the Heart, when talking about emotional sobriety, Bill mentions the problem of narcissism. For instance, one thing he talks about is that the narcissistic person cannot stand is criticism. Makes me think about the spiritual axiom in the tenth step; whenever we’re disturbed there’s something wrong with us. I can’t tell you how long it took my sponsor to get that message across to me. A long long time. It was always someone else, who was wrong.
What? Me narcissistic? Sadly I would say so. Narcissism is another name for self centeredness. Egocentric is another word. Pride, false pride, raised up by self centered fear is often what results. Then comes anger, rage, resentment, revenge and possibly a drink. Looking back at my drinking history, I could certainly see that pattern. And it didn’t vanish after I came into AA.
The solution to this malady is humility and dependence on a Higher Power. Of course it would be nice if I remembered that on a regular basis. Unfortunately my old friend Narcissus shows up dressed up as me when I carelessly forget that I have character defects, which need attention. That’s one of the reason I attend meetings, which can remind me what’s wrong with me and what I need to do to take care of it and keep me from drinking.
Something for me to think about today.