Thinking back over the years, I was inspired to recall my days in the military service. I remembered how many times I was called upon to do jobs I didn’t want to do. Yet I accepted the commands of my superiors despite how I felt. I knew the consequences, which would follow, if I didn’t. Extra duty (which I got a number of times for balking) or worse, like the brig.
Not practicing acceptance has its dire consequences. Like in the program. Not to accept could mean death or worse. I could go back out and drink and then have to live with the hell that comes with it.
I first learned acceptance in this program in the 1st Step. I not only had to admit that I was powerless over alcohol, but to accept just that. I was powerless not to drink. This time, like I said, I had a gun, cocked and ready, pointed right at my head. That gun was in the words in the 4th Chapter in the BB. I would have to live a spiritual way of life or go back to drinking and die an alcoholic death.
Every time I balked at taking a step or ignored the directions given in the BB or by my sponsors, because I didn’t want to accept, I suffered until I surrendered. And each time I surrendered and accepted, I found relief from my suffering.
What I discovered along the way is that my feelings and emotions, driven by my extreme self centeredness and pride, my fear of what I would become if I changed, were no longer of any value to me. Acceptance was to become the name of the game, whether I liked it or not. That came as a surprise to me. I never knew that it was possible to do something I didn’t like or go through developing into the adult I had failed to become, because I didn’t want to accept the responsibility of growing up.
The answer was so simple. All I had to do was to learn to change my attitude. From a bad attitude to a good one. I learned to do that through the spiritual awakening as a result of the 12 Steps. Along the way, in the process of achieving this, I was helped by the God of my understanding and a whole lot of old timers. It was the way to humility, which is the key to acceptance.
I was thinking about this today, as the group discussed acceptance.