When I was out there drinking, I lost all sense of any kind of discipline. I was totally out of control, when I came in. I had lost all knowledge of how to live with others and relate to them. My life and my reaction to the world outside of me was all over the place. I had no control of what I thought. I had no self discipline at all.
I know I’m probably being repititious, but the thought of discipline is important, if I want to stay sober. I know I have probably said this before, but the word discipline does not relate to punishment, unless it means that there are consequences to my actions. Discipline really is about learning. A disciple is one who is there to learn.
The reason I was thinking about this today is that I was thinking about the “discipline of surrender” again. That was something Dr. Harry Thieboult stressed in his support of AA and the alcoholics in it. He believed that it was a necessity for those of us, who were striving to stay sober.
My first time I was to exercise this discipline of surrender came without my knowledge. It was when I admitted and accepted that I was powerless over alcohol and surrendered my life to this program. Since that time, I have learned to sacrifice my wants and desires to working the steps into my life and experiencing the change in personality, which comes from a spiritual awakening. I had to learn that what I thought and believed was all wrong and to submit to a new way of thinking and acting. My thoughts, my motives, my attitude were turned completely around.
All of this came into my awareness for the first time, when I read the chapter We Agnostics. I found that unless I accepted a Higher Power and was willing to live a spiritual way of life, I was condemned to going back to drinking alcohol and dying an alcoholic death. Instead of being discouraged, I got hope that I too could get sober and stay sober. That was the moment I became willing to follow the direction of others, who were the evidence that it was possible to stay sober and knew how to live this way of life. These sober people were there to support me in this and give me the instructions I needed to put this program into action.
I was reminded of the discipline of surrender, when I was there to witness the anniversaries of others at a meeting yesterday. It was a reminder to me of how many have been willing to surrender and change their lives. I need to see those examples everyday. Living proof that it works. It really does.