I was thinking about relationships this morning. Good, bad, or indifferent? The BB and the 12&12 have quite a bit to say about relationships. After all my sobriety seems to be all about my relations with others. Bill W. says that this is the great adventure.
It goes without too much investigation into my drinking years to point out that all my relations back then were terrible. I pushed those who loved me away. I dropped all my friends from my life. I resented most of those I lived with or met. About the only ones I got along with were in the bars. And those turned sour over time, as my drinking got worse. In truth, I ignored all for one thing and one thing only, alcohol. I was like that tornado the BB talks about.
When I came into this program and had stopped drinking, I found that I either was dependent on others, leaning on them for support of some sort, or I tried to control those around me. It didn’t make for any better relationships than before. I discovered that I was angry and frustrated most of the time. Any sort of happiness or peace was elusive. It put my new found sobriety at risk often. And to top it off, I found I was withdrawing from others as a result.
Slowly things began to change as I progressed through these 12 Steps. My attitude toward others began to change. As I began to grasp onto the concept of a higher power and the idea of a spiritual way of living, I started to quiet down within and began to open up to others. First the group, slowly those I worked with, and down the line my family. Not easy and often embarrasing. Humiliating in a lot of ways. I made a lot of mistakes and had to reach out to others, mainly my sponsor, on how to deal with these; the 10th Step.
My amends took time and I found a lot of forgiveness from those I had offended.
What about today? That’s what I was looking at, and what started me to reflect. I have friends today. Real friends. I have those I trust and love absolutely. They understand and accept me, with all my faults. And the same from me. Honesty and openmindedness that I have learned and acquired through remaining sober gave me these opportunities. The new attitudes on arriving at this spiritual awakening through the Steps have allowed me to have tolerance and even love for those around me.
All is not perfect. I still have a lot to learn. Trying to practice these principles in all of my affairs is still a bumpy road at times. My sponsor once told me that the best relations I may have with others might be none at all in some cases. I’m sure that in those instances the feeling is probably mutual. But, as he said, I still have to love them and be williing to step up if ever they need help.
And all of this is part and parcel of my being able to stay sober. It’s vital, but without desperation I once had. I’m laughing, as I write this, because I still remember the first time a woman came up to me and hugged me at a meeting. I was like a wooden post, leaning back and not responding. Others around me laughed. I would have hated to see the look on my face.
All of this reminds me of my primary purpose; to stay sober and try to help another alcoholic. That’s what these thoughts are all about.