The 6th Step came up at the meeting today and it reminded me of how I was, when I came here. I came here to stop drinking. That was it. But then I discovered that I was going to have to learn to live a spiritual way of life. That was a shock to my system. I never wanted that. I didn’t come here to be a saint. I was far from that. And I sure didn’t want to get a reputation of being a little goody two shoes either.
However, I didn’t want to drink again and the offering of the program was either this or that. Learn to live a spiritual way of life or die an alcoholic death. Door number one or door number two. So, I decided to stay here and follow directions.
The higher power in the 2nd and the 3rd Step began the process, which was going to open the door on the spiritual life. The 4th and 5th were there to help me clean up my act and let me know what was wrong with me. But then came the 6th and 7th. Now I was entering deep waters. This was about change with a capital C.
Looking back at my introduction to those two Steps, I have come to realize that it was these that were to lead to the spiritual awakening and rescue me from the insanity of drinking. After all, these were going to allow me to stay in the sunlight of the spirit and keep my sobriety. They were to help me learn about my anger and resentments. Two of the key culprits which could lead me back to a drink. That and my self centeredness and my pride.
What I was to learn from the 6th Step was what it was that I could do and what I couldn’t do with my character defects. I was also to learn the nature of what I was dealing with. For instance, I was to learn that I had no answer for my anger. I needed help for that. But what I could do was to learn to keep my mouth shut and my hands in my pockets. In other words the Serenity Prayer. What I can do and what only God can do. 6th and 7th Steps in a nutshell.
However, I was not to learn anything real about the 6th Step after my 5th. Like a lot of others I have heard, I flew by the 6th and 7th Step like I knew what I was doing. I didn’t have a clue. It wasn’t until I was doing my 8th Step that reality hit me. All of my character defects came to the front in my reviewing those to whom I owed amends. Anger, fear, resentments, pride, self justification, and a whole lot more popped up in spades. I was forced to go back and begin to works those two steps. Apparently they worked, because in working the 9th, all my resentments were gone, as well as the root cause of my anger.
That fear I had of becoming a saint and a little goody two shoes never materialized either. As my sponsor said, when I told him of those fears, “Not a chance.” He was right. Not a chance.