It’s not amazing to me that in talking to others that the subject of resentments appears. Personalities in conflict are nothing new to me or any other alcoholic. The real problem with this is the peril these emotions have on alcoholics, which can lead back to a drink.
The BB wasn’t kidding, when it said that resentments have been fatal to alcoholics. Short of taking a drink again and dying, they stop our chances of growing spiritually cold. I know the minute I find these in myself, I have to get busy and do something about them as soon as possible.
I’ve talked to several people in the program, who are harboring these. It always makes me uncomfortable, when I hear these things. It’s because I’m not sure what I can do to stem the tide of these resentments. I know that I can suggest what I have done myself to deal with these. Going to the Tenth Step and applying the spiritual axiom, that whenever I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me. And then finding out what’s my part in all of this.
I know all of this begins with anger. I know that I can get dragged into self righteous, or justifiable anger, which is the start of resentments. But then I always think to myself that what’s really behind all of this is self centered fear and my pride and ego. Basically I tell myself the truth at this point, that it’s all about self pity. What usually causes my anger is that someone is not doing what I want them to do or that I’m not getting my way. My pride has been wounded in some way. I’m afraid someone is going to get the better of me. Me, me, me, me. It’s all about me. But I pile it on to someone else.
I need to follow it up with prayer. Asking my higher power to help me overcome my resentment and asking that He grant the person all that I would desire for myself. Then I need to talk to someone else in all honesty and listen to them and follow suggestions.
Sounds more complicated than it is. But I promised to go to any lengths to get sober and taking care of this kind of pain and suffering I’m downloading on my shoulders is necessary to my staying sober. I want to stay sober and it’s a question of what am I willing to do to stay sober.
Anyway, after those talks I had to stop at some point and think about all of this. I’m glad I did.