Forgive and forget. It’s amazing. I grew up hearing that all the time, but it never sank in until I came to this program. And even then it took time for me to learn what that was all about.
A friend I know in the program brought up a long run resentment. I listened to her and found that I could identify with what she was suffering from. And believe me it is suffering. I know I suffered from that stuff for a long time in this program. It wasn’t until I hit the Eighth Step that I began to realize what resentments had done to me and became willing to end them through the Ninth. And that’s exactly what happened. A spiritual awakening. The restoration to sanity.
I didn’t bring up forgive and forget, when it was my turn to speak, mainly because it hadn’t hit me yet. It did afterward. And that’s what I was thinking about this afternoon and this evening. What began to help me reach this thought was my sponsor. Like one man said about his sponsor that he would challenge the man’s resentments by pointing out to him that they were self pity. Feeling sorry for himself. And that was me and what I learned.
Part of that learning process came up in the Tenth Step. Whenever I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me. None of this was easy at first. I always wanted to be “right” and everyone else wrong. That’s where the emphasis on self pity and feeling sorry for myself began to take hold. And what was wrong with me is my self centered nature. It’s all about me, is what my sponsor and others would point out. And, of course, my inventory was all about that. The lead off character defect. Egomania.
What helped me a lot at first was the woman, who wrote Freedom From Bondage. I think it was required reading. Not that anyone made me do it. I discovered the kind of thinking I had and the solution. Or the beginning of the solution.
As I now look back at what I conceived to be resentments, I realize now that most of them were fiction on my part. Things my crazy character and mind made up to entertain me and allow me to get involved in my self centered nature. To wallow in self pity. I wanted to believe they did me wrong. I could spend a lifetime thinking that kind of stuff only to discover it really wasn’t real. I mean the people were, but my feelings were such that I was open to blowing things out of proportion and then hanging onto them.
However, when I came in here to get sober and stay sober, I found the beginning to the answer, the solution, when I surrendered to that Second Step. I learned that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I learned about the lack of power I suffered from. Part of that awful unmanageable life I came in with. I gradually became aware that there was an awful lot I needed to let go of and turn over to my Higher Power. And eventually my old resentments would become part of what I would let go and let God.
If I want to stay sober I know that I cannot afford resentments. They not only can cut me off from the sunlight of the spirit, they can lead me to a drink and an alcoholic death. I know so many to whom this has happened. Not a pleasant thought. I never want to go there. So, part of my sobriety today is to forgive and forget.