How desperate do we have to be to become willing to come into this program and get sober? I know that I have listened to a lot of people, who say they want this program and still go back to drinking again. Sometimes it makes my head spin, thinking about this. Disappointing to say the least.
I know what it took for me to come in and stop drinking and get sober. Almost losing my life and living in despair in that black hole within me. I’ve talked to others and listened to them over the years, who had the same bottom. What the 12&12 talks about in the First Step.
Listening to a man today, who has been in and out for a long time, talking about pain and his fears, made me wonder. One respondent to him pointed out that his desire to drink and his fears were really self pity. Could be. I understood what he was saying.
Made me wonder if he had a sponsor. And if he did was he even listening to him? Did he hear what was being said to him today?
I know that when I came in I was in a physical mess. Looking back I know that my desperation made me walk past a lot of stuff going on within me. I just never wanted to drink again. Willing to do whatever it took not to take that next drink. But then I had that spiritual experience, where the drink was removed, because I had surrendered to my Higher Power, before I came through the doors. What a miracle that was.
Then I thought about what happened to Dr. Bob. He wanted to drink everyday for the first couple of years. He didn’t drink. Instead he worked to help others get sober almost all of the time. He finally got free and had that spiritual awakening. To me this is an inspiration. I often go back in my mind to his story and what Bill said about that.
Bill said that Dr. Bob’s craving a drink was physical. As it says in the Doctor’s Opinion, the alcoholic must believe that he is as physically abnormal, as he is mentally. But the physical drive becomes mental. We believe what we feel and what we think. That’s because we identify our feelings as real and us. We think we are what we feel. That’s not true, but that’s the human condition. A condition we can get past with the practice of the spiritual principles of this program. Letting go and letting God, as the program tells us to do.
I wish I could have passed this message on to the young man today. However I can understand that where he is he probably couldn’t hear it. I’ve seen that too many times before. Besides, it took me a long time in this program to learn what I just said myself. How mentally sick I was, when I arrived here. I’m just glad that I have what I have and what I have been given by so many, who helped me. Plus the grace of my Higher Power.
Just sitting and listening today made me grateful that I am where I am. I really feel bad about that young man, but I’m powerless, as are the rest of us. Maybe a miracle will change him, as it did me and so many others.
Anway, just thinking about staying sober and helping others, where I can.