The word serenity means to be peaceful and calm. We were talking to a “new” person today. I don’t know if they’re aware that’s probably what they would want to achieve, if their mind wasn’t so clouded with alcohol and the mental sickness, which is probably part of what drove them in here.
Someone brought up the word “serenity”, as well as talking to the new person. They obviously were concerned. Probably wanted to know what it was and if they would ever achieve it. Like a lot of those, who have been here a while, I know that those promises in the Ninth Step came true. A new freedom, a new happiness, and we would come to know peace and serenity. Yes.
I know that, when I came to know peace and serenity, it was not an overnight experience. It took time to put these Steps into action. Especially the Ninth. Like my sponsor pointed out to me that a sense of good timing probably meant that I was going to have to be sober a while in order to demonstrate that I was serious about my sobriety. Time enough to demonstrate that I was no longer drinking.
So I had been in this program for a while. And that’s when the door opened on the promises. I can remember that feeling of freedom. That new freedom. Freedom from alcohol. And that new happiness, which accompanied that being free of the bondage of alcohol. That restoration to sanity. And, of course, that’s when I really could experience that peace of mind. That internal feeling of serenity. All the promises, but these were front-runners for an alcoholic like myself.
Prior to this change in my life and my attitude, I had been struggling with the ups and downs of that roller coaster kind of life I had brought in these doors with me. Perhaps that was what the person that brought up the topic was experiencing. But I always go back to those times and think of that sign above the door at our meeting, that time takes time. After all I came in with an alcoholic sick mind, as well as being so physically ill from all those years of drinking alcoholically. Add to that the dark, black, “God hole” within me. Spiritually sick as well.
It took time to clear my mind, as well as what was going on with me physically. I will never forget I was about a year and a half sober, when I was rushed to the hospital from hemorrhaging internally from the damage alcohol had done to me. I don’t think the doctors gave me much hope that I would stop. However they did describe to me what had happened. My alcoholism had shut my liver down from time to time and that had expanded those veins in me. And one day one of them burst. And like the doctor told me that I would either stop bleeding, or…Anyway I did.
If I ever forget what I have been given, all I have to do is stop and be still. To be quiet and look within. When I do I re-experience the peace, the tranquility, the serenity. Often I can remember that first burst of new happiness and that new freedom, with which the program and my Higher Power graced me. That was also a point, when I was also freed from the grip so many of my resentments had held me in. The spiritual awakening.
Anyway, when I got home I had to think about the word serenity. It brought up a lot of memories from the past in here. Actually a renewal of hope and faith within me. Glad to stop and think about this. It’s all part of my being sober. Makes me grateful. I can hope for that person and the “new one” today.