Talking to others has brought up some things which were difficult for me in this program at one time for quite a while. What we were sharing these past few days is something I know we all have problems with for a time, until we begin to change.
Part of that is our relationships with others. Mostly unpleasant for us. Anger, anxiety, even fear. Of course one of the grim features of all of this are resentments. And that brings up what someone like myself is expected to do, if I want to continue to stay sober. And that is to change to become an open and pleasant person in this program. A person, who has compassion and care for those around them. A person who is not the same as the one who came into this program.
All this is dependent on why we came here in the first place. Most of us came in here to stop drinking and to learn to live a sober life. We found out in here that all of this comes into being because we began to learn how to live a spiritual life. We began to put these Twelve Steps into action in our lives. We got guidance from experienced old timers.
And then I have to remember what I was shown in here. The key for me to this whole program. I was introduced to the Second Step and my Higher Power. The beginning of hope and faith. The source of whatever strength I need to do what I came here for. To stop drinking alcohol and stay sober.
To counteract the problems I had with myself and opened myself up to attacks by others, I had to learn how to not let any of this affect me and for me to learn how to change my attitude toward others. I had to learn the meaning of the Serenity Prayer. That first part which spells out my being unable to change anyone or anything. I had to learn to accept that and to learn to have peace of mind as a result. Then I had to learn the rest of that prayer. To have the courage to change the things I could. And what’s that? I can change me. I needed to learn that and to get the courage to do that from my Higher Power and the support of the people in this fellowship. My sponsor especially. And to learn the wisdom to know the difference.
Of course part of that was to learn how to place my intellect over my emotions. It was when I was “attacked” that I would find myself reacting emotionally. My emotions would take over my mind and my actions. I would get angry and end up with resentments. That was just part of it. I had to learn how to step back and not take on what others were directing at me. I had to learn that was their problem and not mine. I had to put that spiritual axiom into action from the Tenth Step. Whenever I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me. Doesn’t matter what’s going on with the other person. My business is my business not theirs and vice versa.
All of this I had to make sure I was dependent on my Higher Power. And again I had to be sure that my not drinking and staying sober was my number one priority. To remember this is only a day at a time. I have to remember that when I find myself getting caught up in my faults as a result of someone else I have to step away and start my day over. To take the time to pray and ask my Higher Power for the help I need. To change my attitude from the negative to the positive and begin to live life once again, leaving my pride, my ego to one side.
Anyway, after talking to others I had to take the time to stop and think about what it is I need to do to stay away from a drink and live a sober life here in this program. I know I have to be grateful for all I have been given. The restoration to sanity, the spiritual awakening, the promises, my very life, my sobriety. To thank my Higher Power, the program itself, my old sponsor, and all the men and women in this fellowship who have helped me.