Today I had to step back and think about a lot of things the people I know are going through and things I’m going through myself. And the reason I had to think about them is because the bottom line is, no matter what I’m here for one reason, to stay sober a day at a time. No matter what is happening.
Just to give myself a picture of what is happening with myself and others, on the one hand, I like quite a few have been going through some fairly rough physical stuff, and of course going to doctors, which I personally hate. And so with some of my friends. Some with very serious stuff. And then in the case of others, which I can definitely identify, relationships. Some with anger, resentments, and others, with a sense of loss.
It was these last, relationships, which the group was thinking about today. Especially the difficulty many of us had, when we came into this program. Having to deal with family and friends, whose anger that our way of life brought to them. I definitely had to learn to correct my wanting to react and to realize that I had, intentionally or not, hurt these people. I had to learn how to change myself and hopefully those I was related to.
Part of that was to learn how to make amends. But that had a definite requirement I grew aware of as time went on. Like the Ninth Step in the 12&12 stated at the beginning, I needed a sense of good timing. Early on was definitely not the time. I just had to practice being helpful and trying to be generous in my actions. To be aware to keep my temper and my temptations in that regard to myself.
And of course I had to learn to deal with a practicing alcoholic, who was aggressive and angry. To learn how to keep my mouth shut and to side step from what was happening. I definitely needed to avoid whatever contact I could and to go to meetings and share with my sponsor and others.
Again I had to remember that I didn’t know and I had to avoid thinking I did. I needed to continue to learn what I didn’t know and to learn how to continue to change my life for the better and to grow along spiritual lines.
Having said all of this I go back and take a look at the reality and know that I was far from perfect. Not even close. But I learned I had to face the reality of my life and my abilities. I sure was a slow learner and had to struggle to overcome my faults and my negative emotions. And again I had to remember the slogan that time takes time. None of this was an overnight success by any means. I had to learn to continue to do what I could a day at a time.
Today, looking back at what I heard in our meeting, and then what I learned was going on in the lives of others, as well as my own, my thoughts went back to why I am here in the first place. And that began to settle my thoughts down. I’m here to stay sober and to grow along spiritual lines, despite whatever is going on. I have to remember what I have been given in here. A new freedom and a new happiness. The restoration to sanity and a spiritual awakening. Peace and serenity, when I stop and allow my mind to meditate and to be quiet and stop thinking and rest in my Higher Power. When I start my day by offering it up to the God of my understanding and this program.
Once again I have to step back and be filled with gratitude for all I have received since I got sober. Not just the Higher Power I found in here, who has done so much to help me to not only stay sober but to help me to change, but also all those in the program in here, who have helped me along the way. It’s really amazing. Like they say, beyond my wildest dreams.