Once again I am reminded of so many things I learned in here. Had to travel a lot this weekend to visit my family out of state and a couple of long time friends of mine, whom I have missed. Both them and the family. All this reminded me once more of my sobriety and things I need to do. Especially because at the end of all this traveling I was worn out.
What it reminded me of was how I would often feel, when I would find myself exhausted physically and mentally…and probably spiritually. I know for a fact that I would have this “feeling” of being drained. Not always a pleasant time. It would seem to reach down within me and let some of my emotions rise to the surface and take over. Something related near to discouragement would start to slide in next to the feeling of being totally drained. Irritability would begin to arise with the tiring I was experiencing. And that’s when I was definitely hit with what I was given in this program.
The first thing which came to my mind was to remind myself of just why I am here in the first place. I’m here to stay sober and live a better way of life by practicing these principles of the program in my life. Especially the spiritual principles given to me, first by my old sponsor, and then my Higher Power. The Second Step. And then the thought I was not to let my emotions take control of my mind and my sobriety. I knew that my task was to appeal to my Higher Power and with help put my mind over my emotions. Or, as my sponsor always told me, to think with my head and not my heart.
That focus became my answer to all of this. I was able to turn my mind into a positive way of thinking and acting. Although, as tired as I was, I was able to meet whatever challenges I seemed to be faced with a light heart and mind. A smile when I knew I should. The program itself was right there within throughout the day today. Even though I could not make a meeting these past few days. I knew there was more than a possibility to get into contact with someone near the end tonight. Most important was that I was able from time to time to slip within and say a comforting thought to the God of my understanding. One way to reinforce myself and stick with my thoughts of being sober.
No one around me had to know what I was doing. I just did it. And by doing it I knew I was in the right place. It was like an old timer used to remind us that attitudes were more important than facts. In fact they change the facts. Taking a negative attitude and turning it into a positive attitude was what I always needed to remember. It always worked.
Anyway I just had to stop and think about this day and what I was given by my sponsor and old timers in here. And of course others throughout the time in here. But more than that. It is truly my Higher Power, who gives me the strength and power to live this way of life and stay sober. Truly grateful for all I have been given.