Today I took time to sit down and spend it on a lot of my thoughts from the past. I know that when I do this I find myself thinking thoughts I need to spend some time with. Usually thoughts, not just about this program and the people in it, but spiritual thoughts I need.
One of the things I know is apparent to me is how easily I can forget things I need to spend time on. To take the moments I need to stop and sit back and just relax. To let things, which I often find create tensions in me, go. And to spend a few moments thinking about the things which have helped me change into the person I am today. My Higher Power and those Steps which pull me back into gratitude and my reliance on this spiritual way of life in here.
In a way it is part of the Eleventh Step. Not just prayers, but the meditations I need to practice. Thoughts which can not only take me down the paths I need to travel within, but will lead me to silence my mind. No thoughts. Just peace inside of me. Quiet. A few moments to allow my Higher Power to communicate to that side of me I’m not aware of. But can eventually come to the surface when I need it. Or so I think.
And when I stop and do this it reminds me of how great a change has taken place within me. Before I came to this program I was on the wrong side of this world. No thoughts of good or anything related to the spiritual way of life I was introduced to in here. I know I’ve heard others talk about this. In fact I’ve read a lot of stories in here saying the very same thing. Helps me not only relate to so many in here, but it also gives me a solid foundation in this program. An unshakable way of life.
I find myself encouraged to do what I should do on a daily basis. To reach out to my Higher Power and ask for the help I know I need. And sometimes I don’t know. It’s exactly that which I was reminded of today. Past memories appear which remind me of just how mixed up I was when I came here and how often that has appeared again in my life in here. How easy it is for me to drift off and away from what it is I need in here. Part of that imperfect way of life I was reminded of by my sponsor and the BB.
As I was thinking about this my thoughts came to mind about how much I not only need to remember these things, but how I sometime need to pass these along to others in need of the same. Just as it was done for me by my sponsor and old timers. To be reminded how important hope, faith, and love came to be in my life. Those which help open the door to this spiritual way of life. The foundation of my sobriety and the sobriety of all those I have met in here, who helped me to change my life.
Anyway I was thinking how grateful I am for all that I have been given. I know I need to once again stop and remind myself of why I am here. My old sponsor’s widow often told me that I needed to remind myself that I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. Just today. It’s all I have at the moment. I have to be grateful to her and my sponsor and others like them. And, of course my Higher Power.