We were talking about the Second Step today and a lot of good things were said. However some of those, who were not really new, but still were struggling with this Step and couldn’t go forward into the Third and the rest of these Steps, kept my attention. In fact I was sitting here this evening, when the phone rang and kind of “woke me up” from where I was with this. I was amazed to find that I was still thinking about this. I even told the person calling me where I was mentally.
Probably one of the thoughts which had jumped into my mind about this was the old saying, “Let go and let God”. I knew from my own experience where a couple of them were because I had been there myself. Once again my mind went back to that time when I was almost paralyzed by my continuing intellectual analysis of God and spirituality. What saved me and helped me move on was a young woman, sitting in a Third Step meeting one night, who asked her sponsor, “What’s God’s will for me?” Her sponsor’s reply woke me up. “The other nine Steps.”
All of a sudden I found myself letting go and turning my will and my life over to my Higher Power. Intellectualizing was gone. I just moved on without looking back. But that didn’t eliminate my imperfections. I still found myself stumbling over this and over that. And that’s probably when my old sponsor told me to learn to pick myself up, brush myself off, and keep on keeping on. In other words to stop my day and start it over again.
I definitely know from my experiences what it was like struggling with my growing along spiritual lines in here. Wasn’t easy. Nothing ever happened in here overnight. Like the sign over our door in here states: Time Takes Time. I had to slow down and begin to learn how to live a day at a time. I had to look down and see where me feet are. The past is over and tomorrow isn’t here yet. All I have is today. That concept took time to begin to grow within me. But it did and I know it can for anyone who wants to stay sober and grow along spiritual lines.
I know that we can be in this program a long time and still find ourselves stumbling. That’s pretty much what the BB tells us. That we may not be thinking about a drink, but we can find ourselves running into our past faults because we are imperfect humans. We are not saints. I know from my own experiences I’m not surprised when I suddenly become aware that my defects can wake me up and I have to ask for the help I need from my Higher Power. How I often have to talk to another alcoholic with time in here about where I am. And I know how many times I’ve listened to others sharing their stumbling. This is because we are not cured of this disease and won’t be until the end of our lives.
Once again I’m reminded of what I learned that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. I may not think of myself as a spiritual person, but I do know that it’s real. All I have to do is to look at what has happened to me since I came through these doors. I have found myself living a sober life a day at a time. I’ve also seen the other changes within me. Happiness, freedom, serenity, peace of mind, and more.
I know I have grown in hope, which has led to faith in my Higher Power, and eventually love. Love of friends of mine I have grown to know in here over time. And their return of that love to me. I have experienced and grown in compassion for alcoholics like myself and my willingness to freely give away what was freely given to me. And more. I know that I have been restored to sanity and have had a spiritual awakening, not once but several times.
Anyway, like I said I had to stop and think about all of this. It does make me grateful to my Higher Power, my old sponsor and his wife, those old timers, who helped me, and all those who have shared with me their wisdom. I need to always say thanks.