Meditation and spirituality are not very big things, when one is under the weather, as I have been this past week. Hard to focus, when one feels low. At the same time I have to tell people, I often go to the mirror, look at myself and laugh at myself. Humor takes the drudgery out of me.
Anyway I was talking to another alcoholic, well more than one, and a lot of thoughts went into our talks. One was how to deal with things which often can drive anyone of us up the wall. Anger, resentment, depression, the whole list of defaults, which will keep popping up for all of us over time, because of our human imperfections. The lack of sainthood, as the BB points out to us.
And the answer for me is in that Tenth Step, the spiritual axiom in the 12&12, and then the Eleventh and the Twelfth. All three of these to get me out of myself and back on track. But I often stop and think during these times about what gifts I have been given. Especially I think about the Ninth Step and those promises.
I can often bring back to mind what happened during those times, the amends, and how those promises and other spiritual gifts came within me. Especially those first two. A new freedom and a new happiness always come back to mind. When they entered it was amazing to this alcoholic. Lifted my mind and my heart. Peace and serenity also entered around the same time. And these are often there when I really need them. My attitude and outlook on life changed for certain. And still is for the most part.
And, of course the past became something I could live with. The idea that I didn’t have to shut the door on it, but also I could share it with those who needed it. I know some of this has helped others and myself in the process. All of this enabled me to begin to feel more comfortable with others. I didn’t have to pull back in anxiety and fear as I used to in the past. Irritation and anger began to fade.
And, among other things, one of the most important was I know, the result of not just the amends, but the Second Step. My Higher Power was definitely doing for me what I so desperately needed. And that was the foundation of my sobriety. The restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening. All these were gifts given as a result of trying to do the right things, but mainly staying sober a day at a time.
Of course I just have to look around me and realize how much I have been given by doing what my old sponsor showed me. And that was that I could not stay sober by myself. I not only needed my Higher Power, but other alcoholics like myself. Going to meetings and being open to help others when I could.
Anyway I did what someone recommended me to do for myself. And that was step aside and take the time to think about my way of life in here and how much I have grown as a result of this way of living. I always have to take the time to stop and think about my need to stay sober a day a time. To remember that I owe so much gratitude to the God of my understanding and the people who have helped me so much along they way. I always need to remember to give thanks.