One of the roles I find us in could have been at one time a really blind spot. Not even on the horizon for most of us. Yet, when I looked at my old sponsor, I could slowly glimpse what it was. A good example for me.
Oh, what am I thinking of? Something I found in the Eleventh Step in the 12&12. The prayer of St. Francis. That whole prayer pretty much states it. If I have any doubts, all I have to do is look at the Step which follows this one. Only if I can remember the AA program statement in the Ninth. That tells us that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And this is what I discovered, as I progressed through the Steps of this program.
Of course all of this began for me I discovered, when I surrendered in the First Step. I totally turned myself over, when I asked for the help I needed to stop drinking alcohol. One of the blocks in my life. I could not stop drinking alcohol and I had decided I had only one choice left and that was to kill myself.
I could not go on. And that’s when the first gift I was given came to me. And that was hope. One of the gifts spoken of in the prayer of St. Francis. I saw my sponsor delivering this gift so many times in here. Not just to the new man. Very often it was to others around him who needed his help. But all I had to do was to come to know what this program is all about. I take a look at that Fifth Tradition and it tells me right there what it’s about. To carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. And that could be a new person or and old timer, because none of us are perfect. That’s for sure.
Over time I have been given so much hope it’s amazing. And of course that hope always leads to the next gift, Faith. As a result of hope I have found answers I definitely needed. And when I do it helps me to build faith in my Higher Power. What opened the door for me into beginning to live a spiritual way of life. Not perfect, but available to someone like me, if I will practice what I have learned from my old sponsor and those old timers. And I must never forget, it’s all in the BB. It’s just that through those members in here I can see it being lived a day at a time.
And, of course, all of this leads, through the Twelfth Step and the Fifth Tradition to another gift I need to receive and pass on to others. And that’s Love. And I also need to not forget another in that prayer, Joy. Over time I have found these gifts in my life and that of others. And I have seen my sponsor and those old timers freely passing them on to others like me. And the me learning from them what it is I have to do so freely like them.
Anyway I thought I’d stop and think about this, because all of this has led me to where I so much want to be. And that’s sober. Sober a day at a time. I never ever want to drink alcohol again. I have been freed of the overwhelming desire which once ruled my life. I have had a spiritual awakening and been placed in a position of physical neutrality.
The disease is still there within me, but it only shows itself today in my human weakness, which follow me around, when I find myself stumbling back into my defects and faults. But that’s what this program has taught me through those men and women in here, who have given me faith, hope, and love. And what’s that? It’s in the BB and the 12&12, and the meetings, and those moments, when I need to stop and share and be shared with in return. It’s right there in that prayer in the Eleventh Step in the 12&12.