Another sober day for this alcoholic and a lot of those in the meeting room today. The reason I was thinking this was that there was an alcoholic there today, who had just gotten out of rehab. I’m always struck when I get to witness this. That’s because I know that this person may become a new member and stay sober. I can only hope.
Of course what struck me today, as it often does, is being able to listen to people who got sober and are still sober today. Many with a lot of years. Yet, like all of us, their memories are fresh, when they go back to what it was that got them to stop drinking and come into this program.
I always love it, when they are able to talk about their surrender to this disease. About what it was, or who it was, that helped them to accept the fact that they were really an alcoholic. And how they thought and felt, when they finally were willing to give up alcohol and begin to take on a new way of life.
I especially love it, when I hear others like myself, who have never ever taken another drink of alcohol, since they surrendered and came into this program. I know there are all kinds of stories and experiences, but I just love to hear those, who have done what the BB talks about. So many “one timers”. It’s not pride so much as it is doing what I know we need to do. To give up and come in and never leave ever.
I know for me that it was so awful as my bottom was coming to me in a crash. I had drank myself into such a state that there was no way I could personally stop drinking. I had tried that over and over and kept failing. I had no idea of alcoholism. Nor did I have any knowledge of a program called AA.
So there I was in total despair. I could see what I had become as a result of drinking. I was in a bar drinking drinks one after another. And yet I didn’t feel I was getting drunk. My mind was on one thing. How I had hurt my family, my friends, my wife, my children, and on and on. I could see how infantile I had become. I don’t think I had ever grown up and alcohol had paralyzed me within. I had been through shootings and knives to my throat. And the thoughts went on until I decided to kill myself and end it all.
And there I was black inside from the desperation I felt. And then a friend came in and talked to me. He told me about a group he had heard of and was willing to take me to it. It was men and women, who stayed sober together. The minute he told me that a bright light went on inside the darkness within. I was given hope. And that led me to saying a real prayer, asking God to stop me from drinking and I would do anything He wanted me to do.
The next day the alcohol was gone and it has never really returned. Today I know that I was given a spiritual awakening. And over time in here I have changed. I’m not the person who came into these rooms. I have been given true happiness and, as the BB says, a new freedom. A freedom from alcohol, which had owned me all those years out there and ran my life.
I didn’t know I had a disease. Now I do. I know there’s no cure for that. It will be with me until I die. But, as long as I do what is necessary to stay sober a day at a time, I have a life worth living. And I know, as a result of all of this, I can freely give to another alcoholic the kind of life I have found…if they want it. And I pray that they do.
Anyway, just another day to stay sober. I am grateful and willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. I’m so glad I’m here.