A couple of people yesterday, and a few this past week, brought up problems in trying to make changes within. I well understand that, because I know I had to go through the same things. I am so happy that I was able to make the changes. But again, time takes time. It never is an overnight event. Nor a week, a month, a year. Always it takes years to make these changes. No easy, but do-able.
I am so grateful to my old sponsor and all those old timers, who came into my life and helped me change. The one thing I knew back then was I had to study the BB and the 12&12. Then I had to listen to my sponsor and others in here. Then I had to go to meetings and listen, as well as participate. And all this took time.
One of the problems I remember was my being discouraged. I had to stop and step back and pray. I had to ask my Higher Power for the help I needed. I mean the negative emotions, which ran my life while I was drinking, had come into this program with me. I was not aware of that until my old sponsor pointed it out and showed me what was wrong. I remember all the resentments I had…until I found out that they were not real. I was just blaming people for my faults. I learned that the hard way, but am grateful that I was given the help I needed, from my Higher Power and the alcoholics in here.
So my thoughts for those, who are suffering from these things is…don’t give up. I had seen what this did to a few in here, who went back out and drank again over their resentments…and they died. It was a wake up call for this alcoholic. I know it helped a few others to change.
Despite our wanting to give up, we can wake up and begin to face the fact that we only live a day at a time. I had to learn to have the patience I so desperately needed. And with the help of my old sponsor I was able to slowly change and do what was right in front of me. Not something off in the future or the past.
Once again I will tell how the miracle began to come for me. I was out making amends to an old boss of mine. He drove me into anger with his talking, but I finally did make the amend. And then I walked out of his office, and suddenly my anger was lifted from me. I was almost to the elevator and suddenly all my resentments in my life vanished and never came back. That’s when I found out that they were real people, but not my real targets at all. I was really shocked, when it happened. But I have never forgotten, because it revealed to me who was my real problem. Me.