It’s funny to me that today we were talking about choices. I had to laugh to myself, because it made me think, that when I came here, I had only one choice. And that was to drink. Even that wasn’t a choice. I was drinking because I had to drink.
After I was here a while, it became clear that I did have choices at last. Maybe for the first time in my life. I had the choice to drink or not to drink. Of course I chose not to drink. After all drinking had almost killed me. But then I had to make another choice I was totally not ready for at that time. I had to choose between either living a spiritual life, or going back to drinking eventually. I was told that this way of life I had come to had a solution to my alcoholism, and that solution was spiritual in nature. Did I want to get sober?
What I had failed to realize early on was that I had finally come to a place of freedom. Not just freedom from alcohol, but freedom to make choices. Real freedom. My sponsor told me that I had this freedom to do as I wanted to do. He said I had choices. However, he pointed out that whatever I chose to do I should be prepared to pay the price for my choices. So, when it came to the price of my sobriety, I chose to begin to live along spiritual lines.
Then came the acid test for me. My agnostic thinking or feelings, whatever it was, had nailed the door shut on my thoughts about God. But suddenly I was faced with making another choice. First I had to come to believe in a higher power, who could restore me to sanity. And then having chosen to do that, I found that I was going to have to take this a step further. Either God was or he wasn’t. He was either everything or he was nothing. What was it going to be? I still had the freedom to choose. But, did I want to get sober and stay sober? I found I had to freely choose to say yes to the God of my understanding. And, I’m glad that I did.
Again, I always have choices. I’m free to do as I choose everyday. How far do I want to go? What choices will I make? Am I willing to face the consequences of what I choose? One thing I don’t want to choose is that next drink. Then I have to face the fact that I’m going to have to choose whatever it is that will keep me sober today. That’s where humility comes into the picture. Will I make the right choice, even though I might not like it?
Faced with all the choices available to me, where is it that my ego comes into the picture, and where is it that God’s will for me today comes into play? That’s when I need to talk to someone else besides myself. That’s where prayer and meditation come into place. That’s where I can find the direction I need to make the right choice. I know that the most spiritual thing I can do today is not take a drink. It’s my primary purpose today, because back when I came in, with God’s help and the support of others, I made the right choices.