“You’ll never learn!” I heard my parents say that hundreds of times. I heard it from my teachers growing up. Another I heard through the years was, “I hope you learned a lesson.” By the time I heard that from my superiors, I had already had the first lesson in possession and I never did learn whatever lesson I was supposed to learn. Of course I was already drinking and my ears were too drunk to hear anything. So, I came into this program totally ignorant of how to live sober and how to live period.
I lacked discipline. I was used to wandering all over the map and being distracted by whatever whim struck me. A way of life, alcoholism, was deeply imprinted in me. Those who formed the cadre of sobriety had their work cut out for them with me. But first they had to teach me discipline.
The word discipline and the word disciple come from the same root! . A disciple is one who follows and learns from a teacher. So the basic meaning of discipline is not about punishment but to learn. I was to follow and learn, but first I had to learn to follow and then learn. My sponsors and the old timers were to be my teachers.
The first thing I had to learn was not to pick up a drink a day at a time. In a sense, that was not too difficult, because the thought of a drink scared me to death. The second thing was that I had been spared the root cause of picking up a drink, because my prayers that last night of drinking had been answered. God had lifted out of me the insanity which had kept me drinking all those years.
The second thing was that I had a totally unmangeable life. Lack of discipline. I had to learn, probably for the first time that I couldn’t do what I wanted at any given time. I had to learn to ask for help i! n not giving into things which would kill me.
Someone likened it to growing up in Florida. Though I would have been to undisciplined to learn the map of Florida, I would have learned where places were in Florida, just by traveling around the state. One day I was moved to New York state (adulthood), and being undisciplined I wouldn’t depend on a map of that state. The result was that I was constantly lost. I kept trying to use the knowledge of Florida on my new home. I could have drowned in the process, because trying to find Jacksonville in New York would probably have placed me in the middle of Lake Ontario.
What that represented to me was that I was trying to apply what I had learned as a child to my life in adulthood. I was still infantile. I had to learn that pouting was going to get me nowhere. I had to learn that silent scorn was not a tool to get what I wanted. I was going to have to give up self pity and resentment (really the same thing) and replace it with an open mind and tolerance and patience. I was going to have to give up selfishness and put love of others into my life. This was just for starters. But if I wanted to live, I was going to have to learn.
I’m still trying to learn after all these years. But in order to do that, I must have teachers and texts. The program offers me all of this, if I will but listen and avail myself of the literature. I’ve learned one thing, I’m still in process.
Find great deals to the top 10 hottest destinations!