One of the thoughts which hit me today concerned the spiritual life within me. I know, like a lot of those around me, I rarely ever talk about this, unless it’s sharing with another alcoholic like myself. Most of the times we kid each other and go into other areas, before and after meetings. Even, when talking in the meetings, I very often generalize and don’t get too specific.
But today I kind of backed off and let my thoughts take me wherever they would. A few hours passed and I found myself thinking about the Third Step prayer, which I always start my day with. I also thought about one of the statements in the BB, which I often find me saying it to myself. “Of myself I am nothing, my Father doeth the works.” That’s when I often add on my own, “And because He does I am something.” Probably not appropriate, but I have found myself doing that for years.
My reason I think of this last statement is because I know how imperfect I am in my spiritual way of life. One of my prayers I say often tells me, “Nor do I know myself…” I need all the help I can get. I often think the same thing about staying sober. I need all the help I can get and my dependency on my Higher Power is I believe what keeps me going in sobriety. That’s why I always have to go each and everyday to the thought of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time.
However I do know that when others want to talk or ask for assistance I definitely know that something else is going on. Even though I listen and share I do know that I am blessed. I can’t help but think that way. It’s what I learned in here and have come to think about on a regular basis. Doesn’t matter if it’s with a new person or someone who has been around a while. I often walk away, often filled with gratitude and feeling like I’m the one who has been helped.
Anyway I had to stop and think about this for a while and needed to put it down. Again a reminder of why I am here. I know I have a lot to be grateful for. I am always amazed at all I have been given in this program. I just have to stop a look within and am always surprised. I’m still here and still sober after all this time. I have been given a good form of life. Happy and often at peace. Even when I find my imperfections coming up and tripping over them, I know I have been reminded to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep on keeping on. That was my old sponsor. Just his introducing me to the Second Step changed my whole life. I need to quietly thank him and his wife for all they gave me.
I’ll stop now and say thanks to all.