Talking to a friend in here today made my day, so to speak. The first thing was the fact that the group spent time talking about the First Step. Always reminds me of the Fifth Tradition, which we need to be focused on at meetings. Carrying the AA message to the alcoholic who still suffers. And, as the long form says, The group ought to be a spiritual entity whose primary purpose it to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
One of the reasons this came up was that a member was told by their family that they weren’t really and alcoholic. Isn’t that something? I can well remember that in my family. I was told by one member that my going to meetings was because I was nuts. Really? Oh, yes. On the other hand I have heard this from other members, whose family told them that they weren’t alcoholics. Hmm. In my case they should have been inside of me and suffered the deep despair I had because I could not stop drinking no matter what I did. I knew nothing about AA or alcoholism. All I knew was that I was going to kill myself, because I couldn’t stop.
Later on I looked back at the history of my father’s side of the family and found that almost all of the men were alcoholics. None of them ever came in for help with their drinking. Most of them died as a result of their drinking. Or they lost their minds and had to be locked up until they died. Saw that over and over. Never want to forget.
But on the other hand I think it was worry about what others would think. Personally I never cared what others thought. I knew I was an alcoholic, which I found out in the Doctor’s Opinion in the BB. What’s more I listened to so many in here and I identified with them deeply. When I get the opportunity to tell my story I hold nothing back. I was an out of control drunk. There’s no question about that. I never wanted to be an absentee father and husband, but I was. I never wanted to be hanging out in bars all day and all night. But I was. I’ve been through things only an alcoholic will ever go through.
Anyway we had a good talk about this and I had to take time to go back and think about all of this. It’s one of those thoughts which reminds me of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. Never want to forget that and want to think about it everyday.
I also have to express my gratitude for all the help my sponsor and all those old timers, and other alcoholics have given so freely to me. I’ve learned in here that I also need to freely give this to others like myself. But I know how powerful my Higher Power is. That’s where my sobriety started. When he removed alcohol from me on the night I surrendered and asked for help. Never want to forget and to say “Thanks”.