Listening to an old timer today I was dragged back into the Steps. Not only the Steps themselves, but what we’re supposed to be doing here. Growing along spiritual lines and trying to fulfill the Eleventh Step. Not always well done by this alcoholic. That’s why I wanted to listen.
One of the things which happened was a form of meditation. And hopefully prayer. I always remember that statement in the Ninth Step in the BB. The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And I know that’s the truth. Because that’s what has helped me to stay sober and live this way of life in a better manner than I have ever lived life before.
It’s not that I don’t stop and think about this, but there are times when my mind wanders off. When it does I find myself stumbling and fumbling, like my sponsor said I would. Pretty much what the BB told us we’d go through. That’s because we’re human beings. The spiritual awakening, the restoration to sanity, placed many of us in a physically neutral zone as far as alcohol is concerned. But the mental and emotional part of our life is still dealing with the active part of this disease. And it will be until the end.
I think the hardest part of this spiritual life for me is being able to actively accept the will of my Higher Power, rather than let my ego get in the way and try to control things. Ordinarily I don’t, but like I said there can be drifting moments, when my emotions, my faults, my defects get in the way. And that’s when I need to wake up and once again surrender and turn my life and my will back over to a Power greater than myself.
Of course my sponsor and those old timers would tell me to wake up. Start my day over. Take the time to step aside and pray and ask the God of my understanding to help me. If I have time to take a few moments and meditate. But, nevertheless, I am to thank my Higher Power, change my attitude from negative to positive, and then go out and greet others with a smile on my face. Never want to forget that.
Anyway I needed to stop and think about all of this. Part of my staying sober a day at a time. As I said above, I need to remember to give thanks to my Higher Power, the program itself, which helped me get sober, and all those in here, who freely give me what I need. Part of that thanks, the gratitude I need to give, is for me to freely give to others what was given to me.