I heard a man talking the other day about how hard he was fighting a drink. He had only a few days in the program. You could see the struggle he was going through on his face and in his posture. Yet he said he was determined not to drink.
Many of us, who heard him, said that we could all remember those moments in our lives. How easy it is to forget what that was like. That desperation and that struggle. To drink or not to take the drink. How powerful alcohol is. And yet the words in the BB are true, at least I have found it so: there is one who has all power. The power I desperately needed and found here in the program. My higher power; the God of my understanding. Like it says, God could and would if he was sought.
I heard Sandy B. talking about that word “sought”. He emphasized it and talked about that it’s an action word. We truly have to seek.
As I was thinking about this today, I thought about how everyday I have to seek this God, my higher power. He seems to get lost in the confusion of my thinking and the events of the day. Once again I have to plow throught the obstacles in my mind and my feelings and emotions to get to that point of seeking and finding Him in all that clutter. I know, as I am told, that He doesn’t move, but I do.
To me this is the 11th Step. That’s where the word “seeking” comes in again. But it’s the 10th which slows me down to a stop and helps me clear all that rubbish from my mind.
I couldn’t help but think about this this morning. I got caught up in the confusion and events surrounding me and before I knew it the chaos had entered into my mind. I repeated the words to practice these principles in all of my affairs. It was then the memory of that man, fighting a drink, came. I could see his features and hear his words. It stopped me and reminded me of why I am here and what it is that I needed to do.
Once again I am reminded that I am here to stay sober. It is a gift which was freely given to me on that day, when I found this program. The power of alcohol, which held me in its grip for so long, was finally broken by a power far greater than the drink itself. I found it here in the rooms of AA. But I also know I can lose it, if I fail to remember what it is that I am supposed to do on a daily basis.