One of the main things in this program, which helps an old alcoholic like me, is being able to help others. To do what those old timers did back, when I came in. They freely gave to me so that I could freely give to others.
That’s what was so powerful back then. No one, when I came in, had a job, which paid them to do what we did to help someone get sober a day at a time. In fact, when I go to the 12&12 and read that First Step, I find the actual thing, which helped me to get sober. Pain. Never want to forget that.
What helped me to finally to be able to stop drinking was the terrible despair within me. I could not stop drinking, no matter how hard I tried. I knew nothing about AA or alcoholism. All I knew was that I could no longer go on.
I had decided on Sat. in Jan. back then, that I would end my life. I reached a point, sitting in a bar, looking at myself in the mirror, that I needed to step out the door and walk off the curb in front of a speeding bus. Back then, on Pennsylvania Ave. NW, four blocks from the White House, buses went down these long blocks at 35 mph. I guessed it would all be over very quickly.
As I got off the bar stool, the bartender reached over and grabbed me by the wrist. He stopped me and asked if he could help. How he knew I never really found out, but he went over next door and brought a friend of mine I drank and worked with. This man, a former medic from Viet Nam, left his work and came over and talked to me.
He told me that he had been treating a man on the day before, who questioned him, why he was drinking early in the morning. He said he could smell it. Turned out he was a sober alcoholic, who told my friend that there were places, where men and women met and stayed sober together. My friend told me this and said he would take me to these meetings, if I wanted to go.
He gave me hope for the first time in my memory. That night I went home and said the first real prayer I could remember. I asked my concept of God to stop me from drinking and living the life I was living. I promised Him that, if this was done, I would do anything He wanted me to do. I woke up the next day and alcohol was gone. It has never come back since then.
That was the beginning. Five days later we went to my first meeting. I can always remember that. Especially men and women telling their stories, and an old timer, who read the first paragraph, from the Jan. 6 page of the Twenty-Four Hours a Day book. I still remember that and often go back and read it to remind myself of why I’m here.
Anyway I had to stop and think about this today. Periodically I often do this. I need to remind myself that I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. It also reminds me of just how grateful I am for all that has been given to me over time. Not just the freedom from drinking alcohol, but the way of life I have found in here. The Twelve Steps, the spiritual way of life, the people in this program, my old sponsor, who helped me, and the promises, which have come true.
I need to stop and give thanks to my Higher Power, my old sponsor, those old timers, the program itself, and all my friends in here, plus so many others, who have helped me to stay sober. Never want to forget any of this.